IZ Cast Writes Their Own Fanfiction
by Mikki Warner
Summary: What would happen if Jhonen asked for script submissions for Invader ZIM by the IZ cast? . . . Well I can tell you they won't be GOOD!
1. ZIM

So this is what would happen if Jhonen asked for script submissions for Invader ZIM by the IZ cast. Its another spinoff from my main _Before You Know It_ story.

This is...

IZ Cast Writes Their Own FanFiction

* * *

First submission:

Invader ZIM (Zeiden Macale Junior)

...

-In loving memory of Dale the sea urchin. You will be missed-

One filthy earth day, a stupid, smelly human named Dib skipped gaily (gay-ly get it? Lolz) to Skool. When he got there he acknowledge his lack of friends and began crying like a tard. Then suddenly a wild, stallion appears. But wait! That was no stallion! Why. That was Invader ZIM! The most handsomest, strongest, smartest, wisest, beautifulest, charmingest, loveliest, funniest, gorgeousest, greatest, awesomest, bootyliciousest, talentedest, coolest Irken ever! Dib crumpled to his knees in shock, lowering his head knowingly that he was too unworthy to even look at such a being, let alone breath all it's air! ZIM noticed this humility on the stupid, ugly humans part and appreciated it. But didn't think any more of it than just something all Dib peasants should do. However, today was different. ZIM decided to humor the Dib human. The beautiful creature opened it's mouth full of flawless, white teeth, and a soft, moist tongue and herpes- I-I mean, saliva! Did I say herpes? Must've been a typo. With his crystalline-colored SALIVA filled mouth he spoke these words.

"Dib human of the white race and male gender. Why do you hide your face from me?" Dib rose his head, his eyes welded shut, he let out a tremendous squeal of a thousand parakeets. All his organs exploded at the sound of the beautiful Irken's voice. It was like nature's sweet, summer night symphony, like an orchestra of wind chimes on a breezy day in a zen garden, like the sound of jake breaks on a large semi truck going down a winding mountain road. It was that beautiful.

"Oh sovereign master of the Irken Empire! I am not worthy to be your disciple! But I do request one thing, sire!" ZIM nodded his head regally, egging Dib to proceed with his desires. "I request that you spare these unworthy, ugly humans on earth. This is our home and if we all die, then how are we to admire your ultimate beauty? All I ask, my lord, spare the humans! Spare earth! Spare us all!" ZIM thought a moment in semi deep, mostly shallow consideration. After a minute of mental turmoil ZIM has reached his decision.

"Dillon Baker- I mean! Dib Membrane, soul protector of earth and it's inhabitants, you dedicated yourself to saving the earth even when your own race turned against you. You remain loyal to your home and I must say, you've got some serious balls requesting such a large desire but it won't go unappreciated for I respect a man who dares have the audacity to ask such a thing . . . However the answer is no."

Then the Irken armada showed up and blew the fucking shit out of earth. The end.

Roll credits,

Written by: Zeiden Macale

Directed by: Zeiden Macale:

Leads: Zeiden Macale, Zeiden Macale, and Zeiden Macale

Lighting: Thomas Edison

Storyboard: Zeiden Macale

Ugly people: Dillon Baker

Pretty people: Zeiden Macale

People who like orange: 17

People who like red: 33

People who like Red Macale: 0

People who helped: Zeiden Macale

Labor: Zeiden Macale

In labor: Zeiden Macale

Smeet's name: Zeiden Macale part 2

Who's the daddy?: Zeiden Macale

Who's the mommy?: Zeiden Macale

Who's on drugs?: all of them...

Editing: Zeiden Macale

Editor: Zeiden Macale

Auditing: Zeiden Macale

Auditor: Zeiden Macale

Poop specialist: Dillon Baker

Poop baker: Dillon Baker

ZIM spanker: baloney sandwich

Proper baloney spelling: bologna

Kinky specialist: Red Macale the porn star

Snow maker: Peder Kinley the Canadian

Artist: Zeiden Macale

Sound: Zeiden Macale

Music: Zeiden Macale

Doo wop: Doo wop wop boom!

Knock knock: who's there?

Not: Zeiden Macale

Then who is it?: Purple's lovely buttocks

Funny guy: Zeodne Macal

Good speller: not Zeiden Macale

Choreographer: Zeiden Macale

Doctor: Zeiden Macale

Organ donor: Purple is heartless

Backup dancers: Zeiden Macale

Breakup dancers: Zeiden Macale

Break dance dancers: Zeiden Macale

Flower arranger: Zeiden Macale

Kite flyer: Benjamin Franklin

Animal tamer: Zeiden Macale

Entertainer: Zeiden Macale

Special thanks to my older brothers, Red and Purple for being the amazing back up porn stars. Special thanks to Dillon for being a good sport and ugly. But not really. Special thanks to my niece, Sapphira, for surpassing me in cuteness. I'm going to eat you, Sapphira. I'm going to eat your face off... Special thanks to Pizza Hut for quenching my hunger. Special thanks to that creepy hobo that made me late this morning by mugging me in the subway. Special thanks to Peter Pan for the ride here from the subway.

This story is dedicated to the many deceased sea urchins I found on the coast of my Kununurra, Australian home.

Rest in peace, my pretties - Sylvester Stallone (1749)

Leik dis if u cried evrytiem :'(

...

Jhonen put the paper down and shook his head. ZIM beamed at him. "Well?" The Irken asked, hopefully.

"No." ZIM scoffed.

"There was nothing wrong with that script, Jhonen!"

"There was everything wrong with it."

"I don't appreciate you calling me ugly." Dib piped up. He sat on the opposite end of the conference table with a pouty face.

"Dib, you beautiful. Seriously." ZIM reached across the table and rested a caring hand over Dib's. ZIM then whispered sincerely once more. "You beautiful."

"It's bad, ZIM. I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. It's almost as terrible as the scripts I write." Jhonen said.

"I think you're being a bit too quick to judge in all honesty." ZIM ripped the paper back from Jhonen. "If you need me, I'll be at the New York Times editor getting this shit published!"


	2. Dib

Second submission:

Dib Membrane (Dillon Baker)

Jhonen looked to Dib for help after the young Irken left. "Please tell me you brought something good to the table. I was a fool for thinking ZIM would be a help." Dib shrugged.

"Well . . . I got something. I guess. Just a warning, I'm no writer."

"Doesn't matter. I'll take rough drafts at this point." Dib shrugged and forked his script over to the Invader ZIM creator. Jhonen began to read.

...

It was a hot day, with the sun high in the red tinted sky. At the Skool students ran about trying to get to their class on time. Our paranormal investigator protagonist, Dib, however was trying to get a certain alien menace caught on camera so he could send it in to his favorite show, Mysterious Mysteries. The curious and misunderstood boy followed the bizarre green lizard to the bathroom, knowing that Irkens like ZIM had no use for toilets, so why would he be going to such a place? That's suspicious.

Dib cracked the bathroom door open a hair and peaked inside. ZIM was the only one in the bathroom, standing in front of a mirror. Doing nothing but staring into his reflection.

"I... am amazing. ZIM... is amazing. Who is amazing? Me. ZIM. ZIM is amazing." Dib raised a brow at this strange chanting on the aliens part. What was this? Some sort of ritual. Maybe he was calling for his mothership! Maybe he was casting a spell and in some country in the eastern hemisphere was currently getting eaten by giant piggies! Oh my gosh! This has to stop! Dib jumped heroically into the bathroom.

"ZIM!" The alien whipped around to face the paranormal investigator. "Whatever you're doing! I'll put an end to it! For it is my duty to protect the earth and all it's inhabitants!"

"Dib, Dib, Dib." ZIM chuckled in a superior fashion. "You must have forgotten," The green alien suddenly doubled over and mutated into something large, scaly, and fierce. With giant wings on his back and razor sharp teeth on his mouth. "That I'm a dragon!" ZIM burst the top of the school off and the entire setting changed into barren land.

"I never knew you were a dragon actually!" Dib yelled back. "Just like you never knew that I, myself, am a dragon slayer!" Dib suddenly grew three feet taller and muscles sprouted from his typically leaner stature. He sported a large sword and shield along with metal armor for protection. ZIM roared a nasty roar, rearing on his hind legs and taking off into the sky with wings spread wide. Dib lost the dragon in the sun. It finally hit him where the alien was when a large fireball rained down on him from the heavens. Dib rose his mighty shield and blocked the brute of the force.

ZIM landed right over him, talons and fangs shining in the sunlight. This did not intimidate Dib however, for he was a brave and fierce warrior. ZIM swiped at Dib with his large talons. Dib was too quick for him. He rolled out of the way, using his sword to cut ZIM's hand in the process. But, much to his dismay, the sword wouldn't cut through the armor-like scales. They were too strong!

"You think you can defeat me? Pathetic! Pathetic earthen!"

"Tell me! Tell me what I need!"

"You think I'm that daft? To tell you my only weakness!" Dib didn't say anything for awhile. The two being stared intently at each other for a long, long time.

"Yes."

"Forget it!" ZIM roared again, spitting another wave of fire at Dib.

"He's too strong! Gotta call for backup!" Dib raised his majestic sword. The sunlight caught it and a bright beam of pure energy shot out from the tip. This sent out a signal to Dib's faithful and trusty sidekick, Gaz! His younger sister!

Gaz was sitting at home when she received the tingling sensation that Dib needed her supernatural help. She sprung off the couch of which she sat on and dashed out of the house and down the streets to help her brother. She got to the area where Skool used to be and found the green dragon and tall Dib fighting each other head-to-head.

"Dib!" She cried to get his attention.

"Gaz! Use your powers to find his weak spot!" Dib commanded. Gaz summoned her friends from the netherworld to come and speak with her. Suddenly three ghastly figures sprouted from the ground around her.

"I need your help! How do we defeat an Irken-Dragon?" Gaz asked.

"Gaz, to defeat such an enemy, you must find out it's own disadvantages. Each Irken-Dragon is different. Each one has a different weakness."

"Then what is _his_?" Gaz asked, desperately. The ghosts looked at the dragon.

"He's got a large body, but only two eyes on his face. He has many blind spots. Aim for the temples." Gaz bowed to her friends and ran to Dib.

"The temples, Dib! Or any blind spot you may find!" Dib nodded at the new information and narrowed his eyes, determined now than ever before. He jumped up high and landed on the dragon's head. He then raised his sword and stabbed down toward the left temple. The sword found a soft spot and pierced the skin with ease. ZIM howled in intense pain. Dib did a tumble to the other side of the head and with one final stab, caught ZIM in the right temple. The Irken screamed with agony and began to shrink.

"You fool! What have you done! I'm dying! Dying!" ZIM became his normal self again, blood pooling from his head. The media showed up and caught the footage of ZIM, the dead alien on the ground and praised Dib for the first real discovery of aliens . . . and dragons.

...

"Well," Jhonen began. "It wasn't terrible. In fact, it was rather good. However, the characters are-"

"Out of character." Dib finished for him. "I kinda figured you'd say that." Dib shrugged. "I had fun writing it! That's what matters, right?"

"I'm offended!" ZIM yelled into the room.

"I thought you went to New York to get your shit- I mean, your story published?" Jhonen said. ZIM found Gaz in the hall and was with her.

"My brother told me I couldn't go to New York because I'll get raped, mugged, and hazed all in the same day." ZIM said, taking a seat along with Gaz. Jhonen sighed.

"Gaz! What kind of story do you have for me?"

"A good one." She muttered. "A brilliant one."


	3. Gaz

This is just a reply message to **Little outer god**. Her review was really nice and I found it kind of amusing because I'm like the same way when it comes to reading long fanfics. _I don't want to advertise my other fanfic to you because that seems cheap on my half. But I will tell you this, if you ever do attempt to read Before You Know It again, skip parts that seem boring or too inappropriate and read what you want to read. You may miss some little (maybe some important) details but it won't take anything away from the full fic. Yes, it is a long fic and I'm surprised that a girl like me with my severe ADD was even able to write something so long. Of course, I don't write it all in one sitting. :) Go ahead and try reading it again, if it's still too long, don't bother with it. There's plenty other good (shorter) fics out there for you to enjoy. ;) __I think as long as you get the brief of the BYKI, my spinoffs will be a tad more easy to understand._

With that being said, enjoy this next chapter. It may not make a lot of sense if you've never read BYKI, but you're smart. I know you guys can put two and two together.

* * *

Third submission:

Gaz Membrane (Gazelle LeRoy)

...

Today was like any other day. The sun was out, birds sang, it was just another perfect summer afternoon. But of course for the most beloved Invader ZIM character, Gaz could care less about what the weather was like. She cooped herself inside to either draw animals, mostly pigs, or play her favorite video games.

But suddenly a wild space ship appeared out of no where! Four aliens emerged from the ship. One with red eyes, two with purple, and one with magenta. Three of which were males, Gaz could tell they were of the stupid sort. One was female and obviously in love with the magenta one.

"Oh my!" Gaz's adoptive mother exclaimed. "What a handsome piece of shit that one is!" She said, referring to the red eyed alien. Gaz's mom ran over and instantly the two fell in love. This made Gaz sick. Like, eww, gross mom. That guy is a weirdo. "Gazelle! Come meet your new daddy!" Gaz's mom exclaimed like the dumb blonde she wasn't... Cuz she's actually brunette with red undertones. She had pretty hair. Just bad taste in men cuz she married an idiot.

Gaz trudged to meet these aliens from the other side of the galaxy. "Hiya, Gaz! I'm yous daddy!" The red-eyed one stated, stupidly. Like really stupidly. As stupidly stupid as stupid could get. But alas, Gaz found the stupid alien amusing and humored him.

"Hi pops." Gaz said. This made the red eyed alien giggle like a tard.

"My name is Red! This is ZIM my little brooovver." Red's voice had an Australian ring to it making him sound even more unintelligent. Damn, It's like he wrestled crocs and went surfing on a daily basis and his cousin is Steve Irwin!

"Greetings infidel! I am ZIM." ZIM shouted, also with this weird Aussie twang. His loud voice made up for his small stature. "I am loud and annoying!" Gaz nodded in agreement.

"Yes you are. You're also stupid like your brother." Gaz pointed to Red who was happily eating dandelions. Silly Irken thinks he's a cow. This was apparently very attractive to Gaz's mom for she watched him intently as he mooed and coughed up his cud only to eat it again.

"I'm Tak. I only exist for ZIM because I'm hopelessly in love with him." Tak shouted, but did not sound dumb. Instead she had a charming Brit accent. But still, her life was meaningless.

"I play sports!" The Purple one shrieked with his high pitched, feminine voice. "Hockey and bear wrestling and drag racing and dirt biking." The masculine sports he partook in made up for his female voice. Gaz smiled, thoroughly entertained with these idiots that came to earth. "My name is Purple!" His feminine color name now made his masculinity go down a few notches again.

"So I guess we're family now." Gaz said. She cringed when Red licked her forehead. Why? Cuz he's like that.

"Happy family is we!" Red said, licking Gaz's mom next. Her mom still loved him for some reason after that. ZIM dig himself a hole and buried himself up to his neck and began crying thinking he would never be as smart as his older brother, so what was the point of living?

Purple went on and married Red and ZIM's sister. He also buried himself because he knew he'd never be good enough for her. Poor Tenn for marrying the purple-eyed idiot. Oh well, that's what you get when you're desperate.

Gaz smiled and shook her head at her idiot family. The only good thing that came out of it was Red barfing up a little sister for her a year later. How sweet. :)

...

"And that's the story of my life." Gaz said.

"How very accurate!" All heads turned to the entrance of the room. There Red and Purple stood clapping their hands like gentlemen at a golfing match. "But it wasn't well written." Purple strutted into the room and slammed a paper down in front of Jhonen. "Here's my submission, dear Vasquez. I think you'll find it perfect without a non sequitur or imperfection like these mediocre hooligans have in their short pieces." Purple sat by Dib and started petting his head... Because Purple that's why. Red took a seat next to Gaz, putting an arm around his precious daughter's shoulders.

"Hi pumpkin! How are you today?" Gaz gave him a shit eating grin.

"Just great. You and mom were loud last night."

"Heh heh, she likes making me squeal." Red sighed contently at the pleasant memory.

"That was you? I thought another wild boar snuck into our house." ZIM said. Jhonen rubbed his forehead.

"Alright, I'll read whatever this is." Jhonen said deciding to humor Purple, as he did with the majority of the cast so far with their scripts. "My guess, it's gonna be well written but with a terrible story." Purple smirked.

"You guessed right!"


	4. Purple

Fourth Submission:

Tallest Purple (Peder Kinley)

...

Purple was sitting at a table eating. Food. Good food. Purple puts food in his mouth... Among other things, but we won't get into that.

Today Purple is eating a variety of things. He starts with pretzels and hummus.

"Mm," he says after dipping the salty treat into the squishy chickpeas. "This is yummy." So he ate it all.

He then moved on to the pizza. He took a laaaaarrrrgggggeee freaking bite! "Mm," he exclaimed, chunks of pizza and dough went spewing across the table from his mouth. Red sat on the other side of the table watching Purple eat. He picked up a piece of dough that was just spat out from Purple's mouth and ate it. Hims was hungry. "This pizza is very yummy!"

Purple then took a bite out of an apple. "Mm," he snorted. "Apple is juicy and good and stuff!"

He then ate some potatoes in fry form. They were french fries. "Mm," He moaned. "You can taste the unhealthiness."

He then ate some kale chips. "Mm," Purple sang. "Needs more Montreal seasoning."

-...

"Purple! Is your entire script of just you eating and making commentary about it?" Jhonen asked the violet eyed Irken actor. Purple stared at Jhonen for awhile before making his answer.

"Yes." Jhonen thrusted the paper back into Purple's arms.

"Go! Make a rewrite! I know you can do better than this."

"Sorry. I just . . . I wrote it when I was hungry." Purple pouted and walked out of the room sadly. Jhonen shook his head.

"Red! Please tell me you have something better! I mean, you did write all those reports back when you were a research biologist, right?" Red smiled.

"One of my minors in college was creative writing! This won't disappoint Jhonen!" Red handed the man his script.

"Hold it!" Purple interrupted coming back into the room. "I knew you were gonna reject my first submission, which is why I have a back up!" Purple shook a new paper in front of Jhonen's face. It was all folded up which meant it was probably hiding in his pocket the whole time. "Read and be merry. You have a hit on your hands." Purple pulled up a seat next to Red, who scowled at him. Jhonen began reading the other story.

...

First impressions are important. This we all know. Even the dimwitted Invader ZIM knows this. However, does this stop him from raving like a lunatic in public? Answer: hell no. Does this make me any less proud to once be in the same Invader training class as he? Answer: Hell. No. Anyone caught dead with a man like ZIM ought to be shamed. Unless of course, he actually feels the shame from just being seeing with ZIM first.

But alack, I was trained with him. Pretty much raised with him. My misfortune went even as far as having him as a roommate along with my good buddy, Red and ZIM's 'friend' Skoodge.

What's so bad about this ZIM-guy? You ask. My friend, spend one day. One day with the pest and you will be enlightened. Here's a briefing though for your sake. I can't go on without you not knowing all the misdeeds of this so called invader.

Firstly, as a smeet he managed to somehow cause several Irk-wide power outages, as a teen he stopped our entire army from infiltrating enemy territory, and Lord only knows how he was capable of destroying half of the economy and government when he reached young adulthood.

Why was he not put to death for any of this? Well in lamest terms, he was considered valuable. Somehow, even though he caused more death and destruction than help to our empire, somehow he was still valuable. So they sent him to Invader academy. And that's when I finally met him...

"And that's why I know I'm better than all the other wannabe Invaders here! I have no idea why they even sent me here as a trainee! I should be the one instructing the course!"

Can you blame me... really? A loud mouth, smart ass guy like that deserves a few... hundred blows to the head. On the first day, we were running a basic obstacle course as kind of like an aptitude test to see where the newbies were at. It tested mental and physical strength, agility, stamina, and speed. I scored a fair grade, eight point three out of ten possible points. My buddy, Red, slipped up a time or two getting a score of seven point nine. It didn't help that he gets bad performance anxiety.

But then there's ZIM who comes in and doesn't even acknowledge the course. Instead he completely ignores it and demands an immediate perfect score. This request went unfulfilled by the instructors and eventually they forced him to do the obstacle. He receives a wretched score of four point two. But this was only because he was stubborn as he went about the course. Going slow on purpose, not trying hard at all, as if to spite the judges making them feel stupid for forcing him into doing something he didn't want to do and ultimately wasting all of their times.

Later that same day the new recruits were to have a meet and greet with the Almighty Tallest Miyuki. Usually Miyuki would meet the soldiers to scout for new palace guards. She typically looked for those who were particularly alert and protective and who always had high marks in the physical and mental courses. Only twelve got selected per year. One from each new recruitment for every month.

It wasn't a bad gig. In fact, it sounded all too good to be one of Miyuki's guards for they got many benefits. Their own quarters, servants, they got their own Spittle runner when they guarded the grounds and space around it. The only downside was the long hours that had to be worked.

Upon hearing about the Tallests visit to the barracks, ZIM took this information and held it close to him. He wanted, no, _needed_ to be selected by Miyuki to be a palace guard. Because ZIM deserves only the best! Of course, I thought differently but that didn't mean anything to ZIM.

You see, the little nuisance thought he would one day become the Tallest...

-...

Jhonen cut off on reading again. "Peder, this... this is good. Really good! How the hell did you go from writing about yummy food to this? This is like a prequel to the Invader ZIM series from Purple's perspective. It's really good!" Purple beamed at this news. "But it's too good to be an Invader ZIM script." Jhonen broke the news to him. Jhonen looked through the rest of the script, only skim reading. "Mind if I hold onto this?" Purple shrugged.

"Like I'll do anything with it besides roll tobacco." He muttered. Red popped up from his seat.

"Mines good! Not as good as his so it'll be perfect for the script you're looking for! It's suppose to be taken seriously and it's based off a true story." Jhonen raised a brow.

"Oh this ought to be good."


	5. Red

Fifth Submission:

Tallest Red (Kelly 'Red' Macale)

...

In a land far from this shithole called Burbank, there was a gorgeous King who owned the whole continent of Oceania. He owned it and ruled it because he's boss like that. His name was just as beautiful as he. King Kelly was his sovereign name and _no one_ made fun of how it was sort of feminine because no one dared to cross him for he had angelic powers to vaporize all those evildoers. However, he went by his great granddad's name, Red.

Now like I said, Red was gorgeous. Very handsome _and_ added bonus, he had a fantastic personality to match. He was also macho and strong and tough and shit and he ate glass for breakfast and used sandpaper as a washcloth when he took showers which was everyday by the way cuz he has amazing hygiene as well. He smells like the orgasmic flavor of Old Spice. (I'm not a paid actor to sponsor Old Spice. It just makes my genitals tingle every time I take a whiff of that lovely body wash from heaven)

Red only settled for the best. Because he doesn't deserve shit cuz Lord knows he gets plenty of that from his little brother, ZIM. This means that he would get the best trucks (cars are for city boys), mansions, and ladies. Mm yes. Ladies. Ladies are good.

One day, Red sensed a disturbance in his fair country of Australia so he called for his... sorcerer... Yeah let's go with that. His sorcerer, Purple.

"I need you to tell me what is causing this feeling of strife inside of me and my country." Red said, desperately but composed because he's a leader y'all, he needs to stay calm and shit.

"My King," Purple started. "The source of the disturbance comes from the land of America, not from Australia." Red furrowed a brow.

"Why does my mind tell me that I care then?"

"Because your mind is sensing that it's a beautiful woman that's in trouble! Queen Leslie! Your damsel in distress." Red got a look of determination in his eye.

"Hell yeah. I'm getting laid tonight."

Red then whooshed away on a beautiful white horse and rode all the way to America (the horse is part Jesus so it could walk on water) to find his fair lady. He finally came across a castle in the state of Michigan that was guarded heavily by guards and people and other things like snow banks, tractors, and Detroit natives! Oh lord! How was he to survive?

Red wielded his sword... Nah, that's too typical. Red wielded his Fully-Suppressed AK-47 Semi-Automatic Assault Rifle and blew the fucking shit out of the goddamn bastards! Whooooo!

He dashed to the great wooden door of the castle, punched a hole through it big enough for his muscly body, and flew up the steps to get to the top room where his sweet cheeks was being held captive.

Red burst through the door of the room and found a stunning, drop dead gorgeous woman and a hideous old hermit behind her, holding a gun to her head. The hermit chuckled in a condescending manor.

"I have her, King Kelly! There's nothing you can do about it unless you give up your throne to me!"

"Oh Red! Please save me! I'm so weak and frail and I need a big strong, sexy guy like you to help me!" Queen Leslie cried out frightfully. He could tell by her voice that she was good in bed.

"Release her, geezer! Her fine ass is waaaay to good to even be held by you!" Red yelled.

"Surrender your kingdom and I'll give her to you." Red thought for a long time. The mental turmoil was almost too much for him! But the decision was eventually met. Leslie was hot! His country was literally hot, and his overbearing nana lived there too.

"Okay!" Red agreed. The hermit flung Leslie over to Red and ruled Oceania.

"Oh Red! I'm so glad to have been saved by a strong, handsome, brave man like you." She said. Red heroically looked off into the distant sunset and said,

"Like I've ridden this horse, you shall now ride me. Giddy up, cowgirl."

"Red, you are so romantic!"

"That I am, milady. That I sure as hell am." Red then did a backflip because he's a badass motherlover. He pulled his damsel that is no longer in distress closer to him and kissed her like he's kissed your mother, sweet and wet-like. "Let's bang."

Then they got married, he popped out ten freaking daughters, not including the adopted daughter, Gaz, that Leslie never told him about, and now he suffers from anxiety because Queen Leslie can't go a day without nagging him about how he is a terrible father and teaches his daughters a bad word every fucking-... every day.

Fin~

...

Jhonen slowly looked up at Red, a disgusted look in his eye. "This was downright shit."

"I knew you were gonna say that." Red said, dumbly. "I was sort of tipsy when I wrote this."

"Sort of? It sounds like you straight up hammered, homie." Jhonen pointed out.

"Red, you shouldn't be drinking. It's bad for your narcolepsy." Purple stated.

"I only had a couple of shots of Fireball, Everclear, Kinky, Bacardi, and Everclear."

"You already said Everclear." Purple said.

"Did I?" Red asked.

"Yeah."

"... Am I still drunk?"

"Probably."

"I'm so showing this to your wife." ZIM snatched the script from Jhonen.

"ZIM, don't. You know Leslie hates it when I write about her." Red whined.

"How often do you write about her?" ZIM asked.

"This is the first time..." Red admitted. Gaz smiled, amused.

"If you show it to my mom, ZIM, I'll give you a new puppy." ZIM's eyes widened with child-like wonder.

"Puuuuppyyyy." He drawled in an awestruck fashion.

"Gaz, stop offering to get him puppies and never falling through with your empty promises." Red scolded.

"Wow! That sounded like an attempt at parenting!" ZIM gasped. "Good job, Red!" Everyone present in the room applauded for Red, making him feel good about himself.

"Anyone else have a story?" Jhonen asked.

"I do!" A British accent intervened with the semi quiet nature of the room. Tak smiled politely. "Right here."

"It better not be a gooey romance story about you and ZIM." Jhonen warned taking the paper from her. Tak's eyes shifted left to right.

"Uhhhh... No."

"Well okay then. Let's see what you got."


	6. Tak

Someone wrote a review asking where Tak's edition was. Well to be honest, I got lazy and decided to finished the story later. Well, it's later now. Here's the second to last chapter. Enjoy.

* * *

Sixth Submission:

Tak (Takayla Griffon)

...

Today felt like a special day. Not that everyday isn't special, it's just this one was... specialer. I woke up to my boyfriend, ZIM, entering my room and jumping on my bed, startling me half way to death. Of course, this doesn't typically make me the _happiest_ when he does that. Cuz Lord knows he does it at least four times a week. Tuesdays and Fridays especially. For some reason, I'm assuming he was hopped up on coffee, he demanded that I had a staring contest with him immediately.

I tolerate his behavior cuz I love him. And so I submitted to the contest and this begun the most intense and frightening staring contest of my life. After ten seconds of staring continuously, he drew his face closer and closer to mine. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. I wasn't so lucky.

He licked me... Like a dog. From my jaw bone, over my eye (forcing me to blink), and across my forehead. I noticed that licking people was beginning to be a motif with the Macale brothers. He declared victory and yelled at me for not being the hard competition he thought he was going to get.

A few hours later, we were sitting in class together. We have English together and ZIM's brothers teach it, though I'm pretty sure Red has no idea what he's saying half the time, and Purple, he's harder to understand than _The Matrix_ trilogy. As I took notes over the chapter of _Heart of Darkness _that we were supposed to read the night prior, ZIM passed me a piece of paper, folded four times. I look to make sure the teachers weren't looking and I opened it. He drew me a picture.

It was a flower... Next to a Tyrannosaurus Rex... Holding a flam thrower... Scorching evil clowns... With a doodle of ZIM in the corner waving cutely and saying, "I killed the clowns for you". I rolled my eyes and looked back up when I noticed Purple walking my way. He saw me with the note. He continued on with his spiel over the chapter as he nonchalantly took the paper from me, looked at it, set it back down, then subtly smacked ZIM's head as he walked back up to the front. Never loosing concentration over what he was saying once, for he had to deal with ZIM like this _constantly_. The rest of the class, ZIM decided to take a little nap. He got spitballs aimed toward him, courtesy of Red, to get him to wake up. ZIM never stirred.

After class, and after school for that matter, ZIM and I went to our favorite spot. The liquor store. Bought a bottle of brandy then went to our second favorite spot. The beach. As we sat, contemplating our lives together and having casual chat about our days over the bottle of brandy, ZIM noticed something beached in the sand. He stood up to retrieve it. I stayed sitting, not as curious as he. He gasped at the water's edge and came running back to me with something in his hand. He practically jumped on me when he came running back.

"Look!" He held up an antique-looking necklace. A blue teardrop sapphire pendent hanging on a platinum chain. "Someone must've lost it, but awhile ago. The chain looks a bit rusted and the pendant has some water damage."

"It's really pretty." I said. ZIM smiled.

"It is really pretty." He agreed. "Just like you." He crawled behind me and put the necklace around me, clasping it in the back. I smiled and turned my head to thank him. Before I could, however, his lips were over mine. This startled me at first but I relaxed almost immediately. I placed my hands on his face to deepen the kiss. He broke away for a second. "We should go to the jewelers and get this thing restored."

"Good idea." I said, then closed the gap between us again. We continued our sweet kiss as the sun sank into the ocean, the golden horizon illuminated his skin in such a way that made him look even more handsome than Irkenly possible. His eyes, half shut with bliss, stared at me.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too." I responded. "My adorable little clown slayer."

...

Tak scowled at all the gagging noises coming from the folks in the room.

"What? That was a lovely story! You got to admit it was romantic."

"I vomited up all my vodka in my mouth."

"Why don't you go choke on it now, Red!" Tak snapped.

"This wasn't even in the context of an IZ script! It's like you just wrote something down that happened the other day!" Jhonen said.

"Well Red's wasn't in the right context either! Nor was Gaz's." Tak retorted. "And FYI, it _is_ just something that happened the other day."

"It was too cutesy and mushy."

"I'm sure ZIM probably liked it." Tak said. They looked to said boy who was scribbling something down ferociously fast in a notebook.

"I just wrote another script! This one you'll like for sure!" He exclaimed, popping out of his chair, waving the notebook madly. Jhonen scratched his head.

"Well, I suppose it can't be much worst than your first one." Boy was he wrong. Oh was he ever so wrong.

...

Our hero, Invader ZIM, marched to school with his head held high. He is better than all the humans of the world so he had a right to look like a pompous ass like that. Suddenly a wild Dib-human appears and threatens him by using his girlfriend as leverage.

"Surrender yourself, ZIM! Or Tak gets it!" Dib shouted as he held his finger to her neck as if he had a claw on his finger tip. But ZIM knew better, Dib bites his nails so he truly had no weapon to hurt Tak. Not even an unclipped fingernail.

"I don't care! I'll just get a new girlfriend!" ZIM yelled back, his voice was angelic and it made Dib's ears grow wings and flew away with him. That's how beautiful ZIM's voice was. Like, bro, it's so beautiful Tak didn't even get mad at him for telling Dib to go ahead and kill her. Now that's quite the hypnotic voice, yes? Yes!

"Thank you, ZIM! Thank you for saving me!" Tak squealed piggishly as a silhouette of Dib's body being carried off by the wings in the horizon got smaller and smaller then soon evaporated like water on a hot day. Very lovely.

"Anytime tootsie roll! Hows about we go get some friend chicken and shove it in each other's mouths all romantically-like and such?"

"Oh my, ZIM." Tak giggled giggly because she was so turned on and shit. "Let's do that. I can't wait to shove a chicken thigh in your mouth."

"I can't wait to eat that thigh, darling!" Then the two beauts ate each other's faces. How cute.

The end.

...

Jhonen threw the paper down.

"See! I knew Tak would write something boring and stupid so I took the liberty to write something worth you while down so it wouldn't be a total waste." ZIM chirped.

"No ZIM, your piece of shit writing just wasted even more of my time." Jhonen said. "This is the second time today that you wasted my time, in fact! _And_ as a bonus! It sounded a lot like Red's story!" ZIM cocked his head to the side. "What? With you boys being all heroic, saving your damsels in distress, and conquering evil, and what not? When in reality, you're both stupid." Red chuckled.

"Like older bro like younger bro, right Zei?"

"Hell yeah!" ZIM high fived Red in slo mo, because Macale's that's why. Jhonen scratched his head.

"I have one last idea that I'd like to try out."


End file.
